Also, you’ll notice that the term “We” will be used to describe the people behind this website. It’s not a form of Royal We (pluralis maiestatis), as at the moment i’m not claiming to be King of anything. It’s just the way the template i chose was already written.
What data do we collect?
We collect the following data:
- Technical information (IP address, type of device, language, hardware and software info, Coke or Pepsi preference, etc.)
- Statistical information (refer to Google Analytics, they’re the bad guys, not us)
How do we collect your data?
You suckers directly provide us with most of the data we collect. We collect data and process data when you use or view our website via your browser’s cookies.
We may also receive your data indirectly from the following sources:
- Google Analytics
We collect your data so that we can see who are the kind of weirdos that might be attracted by the rubbish we publish.
If you agree, we will share your data with our partner companies (Alphabet/Google, which provides us the Google Analytics service) so that they may kindly offer you their unwanted products and services.
We “securely” (nothing is secure online, duh) store your data at the data centers where this website is located (somewhere in Germany). Google stores its data in its data centers around the world, ask them about it.
We will keep your data for a year, or until our lazy administrator remembers to flush the cache. Once this time period has expired, we will delete your data by saving everything in a old hard disk and hitting it (very hard) with an IEEE-approved hammer.
We believe marketing is one of the most inhumane Satan’s creations, and we’ll never send you information about products and services that we think you might like, since it’s none of our business.
If you have agreed elsewhere to receive marketing, we suggest you to opt out as soon as you can.
What are your data protection rights?
We would like to make sure you are fully aware of all of your data protection rights. Every user is entitled to the following:
The right to access – You have the right to request copies of your personal data. We may charge you an exhorbitant fee for this service, to pay for the stock photos of kittens we may attach to the files.
The right to rectification – You have the right to request that we correct any information you believe is inaccurate, like “the Earth is flat” (which it isn’t). You also have the right to request us to complete the information you believe is incomplete (but don’t ask for things we don’t know, like JFK and aliens stuff. 42 is all we can say).
The right to erasure – You have the right to request that we erase your personal data, under certain conditions, which we reserve the right to make up on the spot.
The right to restrict processing – You have the right to request that we restrict the processing of your personal data, under certain conditions.
The right to object to processing – You have the right to object to the processing of your personal data, under certain conditions.
The right to data portability – You have the right to request that we transfer the data that we have collected to another organization, crappy website, or directly to you, under certain conditions.
The right to eat cheeseburgers – You have the right to exchange your hard earned money for one or more cheese hamburger, at your favourite greasy fast food joint.
If you make a request, we have one month to respond (about 29 days to ignore you, the remainder to write a badly worded response). If you would like to exercise any of these rights, please contact us:
crumbly, delicious baked goods text files placed on your computer to collect standard Internet log information and visitor behavior information. You can blame this guy for them. When you visit our websites, we may collect information from you automatically through cookies, astrology or similar technology.
For further information, visit allaboutcookies.org.
- Eating them with a nice glass of milk
- Keeping you signed in
- Understanding how you use our website, and especially why
What types of cookies do we use?
There are a number of different types of cookies, however, our website uses:
Functionality – We use these cookies so that we recognize you on our website and remember your previously selected preferences. These could include what language you prefer and location you are in. A mix of first-party and third-party cookies are used.
Advertising – We use these cookies to collect information about your visit to our website, the content you viewed, the links you followed and information about your browser, device, and your IP address. We sometimes shares some limited aspects of this data with third parties for advertising purposes. We may also share online data collected through cookies with our advertising partners. This means that when you visit another website, you may be shown advertising based on your browsing patterns on our website.
How to manage cookies
You can set your browser not to accept cookies, and the above website tells you how to remove cookies from your browser (you just need a torx screwdriver). However, in a few cases, some of our website bugs may not function as a result.
Privacy policies of other websites
How to contact us
You may summon us by yelling “Beetlejuice” three times, or write us using this form.